2014

Sliding in just before the holiday itself, it’s time once again for the annual Coffey Christmas Letter!

This summer 6’ 3” Jeremy took his size 14 feet and became the leader of a tribe of giants.  They didn’t have a problem bowing down to him.  However, they vanished in the night after Jeremy threw one too many tantrums about their bad wi-fi and his streaming videos having trouble loading.  He made it home just in time to start his junior year at LC.

Mollie has been busy with her hectic schedule commuting from Spokane to film Marvel’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron.  She has to be on location regularly for her job as Scarlett Johansen’s body double.  Filming has been going slowly, as her contract requires Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth to be shirtless in every scene they have together.  It’s a coincidence that each scene must be shot over and over.

Upon her return to Evergreen for her sophomore year, Hayley began communing with a large white squirrel.  The squirrel insists that there is a serial killer squirrel on campus decimating the squirrel population and that Hayley is the only human that can save them.  She says her forensic science class is coming in handy.   She also insists the reason no one else has seen the white squirrel is because it’s the ghost of one of the killer’s victims.

Paul discovered a pattern in his various and sundry scars and accidentally opened a rift in time and space.  He disappeared for a few minutes, but insists he was gone for over a year.  He had green hair, a red nose and was covered in white greasepaint when he was found.  He won’t speak of what happened while he was gone, but can on occasion be heard muttering, “Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.”

On a serious note (which you can certainly skip if you’re just here for the humor) – we almost didn’t do the letter this year.  Looking back over the year, there were plenty of bad things (Mollie’s mother passing away shortly before Thanksgiving, Paul’s heart attack to name a couple).  But there are people who look forward to this every year.  And more importantly, it’s pretty much the hallmark of our family to deal with sadness by using humor.  So have a laugh and give your loved ones a hug.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or whatever Yuletide greeting you prefer, with love from The Coffeys!