2013

What’s that?  You thought you’d make it out of the holiday season with out the annual Coffey Family Christmas Letter (now with at least 200% of the US RDA of sarcasm!)?  You should have known better!

Mollie got a promotion at the library.  She told us that Jaci retired, but we haven’t seen her since, and there are those mysterious red stains on the shovel in the garage.  Of course, those could just be stains left by her new art project – wall-sized paintings in blood.  She draws inspiration from Jackson Pollock, Dexter and the voices in her head.  According to Mollie, listening to voices in your head is fun and safe!

Paul decided to see what it was like NOT going to the hospital this year.  “Strangely unsettling,” was his opinion.  Or was that his take on the uprising among his undead minions?  Students may have been a little more difficult to train, but they were certainly better behaved and more intelligent than zombies and skeletons.  Perhaps next year will be more favorable for conquering the world.

Hayley graduated high school this spring and went off to Evergreen State College this fall.  She decided that speaking was over-rated and has decided to communicate using only facial tics and interpretive dance.  She either met an alien from another dimension who taught her galactic enlightenment, or she had a heart-wrenching break-up with a moose who was an incredible kisser.  I can’t remember what that particular set of arm-waves and pirouettes meant.

Jeremy decided to celebrate his first year alone in high school by revealing his secret Bigfoot heritage.  He towers over all, even when slouching, although he hasn’t quite embraced the full shagginess of the Sasquatch.  He started a support group for supposedly mythological and legendary creatures.  We don’t know who has shown up, because we aren’t allowed in since we’re real.

May all our friends, family, acquaintances and others compelled to read this missive have an enjoyable holiday season and a happy new year.