2015

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and anyone who doesn't fall into any of those categories but can still read English...It's true, it's here, it's what you've been waiting for all year – 
The Coffey Christmas Letter!

Since it's only Christmas Eve for another hour or two, let's get our notes together and get this thing written for you!

So, first on here is Jeremy. It says here that he's 6' 4” with giant feet, a senior at Lewis & Clark High School working on films and a fan of the Seahawks. No, that can't be right. It must be that he's been watching films of Bigfoot with senior citizens after turning down a position with the Seahawks since he's “not a people person.” Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Next is Hayley. Says she turned 21, got a job as a teaching assistant working with kids, is a junior at Evergreen State College and went to a live Seahawks game and yelled like a maniac with the 12s. Got a job? That's definitely wrong. I bet it's that she applied for her 21^st job, lost out to a kid named Junior so she went drinking Everclear. And I think the yelling means her 22^nd job application is as a professional banshee. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Okay, on to Paul. Notes say he got an evening job at the college library out at Eastern Washington University. No, I'm not buying that either. I think he's working late nights on a collage of the story of Job in his room at the Eastern State Mental Hospital. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Finally we have Mollie. Had her 50^th birthday party and started grad school. Seriously, who wrote these notes? Do they have any clue what happened this year? That has to be, “Mollie drank 50 beers at her birthday party and was a glad fool.” Yeah, that sounds more like it.

The heck with this – no notes next year. It's quite obvious that whomever was taking them didn't pay any attention to what we did this year, or even who we are. Next year no notes – we'll just rely upon Paul's incredibly detailed memory. He never forgets anything. Yeah, that sounds more like it.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and a Pleasant
 Whatever-other-holidays-you-celebrate-this-Yuletide-season!