The Coffey family sarcastic Christmas letter is now the Coffey family multiple-choice Christmas quiz!

Greetings from [a. Spokane; b. Loserville; c. family rehab]. This year holds so many [a. interesting; b. painful; c. scarringly dysfunctional] memories. Everyone in our family is super [a. excited; b. depressed; c. inebriated] for the holidays. We hope you are too!

Paul is [a. having a great year; b. missing and presumed dead; c. Batman]. He is just as [a. witty; b. indecisive; c. on the FBI most wanted list] as ever. As he likes to say every year at this time: [a. “God Bless Us- Everyone!” b. “Being stupid is its own reward” c. “If you think some fat ass in a red suit is gonna get credit for all of my hard work, think again!!”]. He did wreck the car by hitting a [a.deer; b; grizzly bear; c. homeless carnival worker] on the highway home from work. He has had [a. two negative Covid tests; b. two negative pregnancy tests; c. it up to here with 2020].

Mollie is [a. finally a real librarian; b. finally being committed to a mental hospital c. testing the chemical boundaries of Ambien mixed with chardonnay].  She recently started [a. working from home; b. doing internet searches for clever ways to dispose of human remains; c. agreed to always stay at least 500 feet away from Chris Hemsworth]. She also created a [a. fun board game; b. an international incident; c. a half-murder hornet/half-Kraken hybrid monster].

Jeremy has [a. graduated college; b. been running a meth lab; c. perfected his burp rendition of “Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony”]. He [a. took a stand-up comedy class; b. charred several hundred acres and burned down twelve mobile homes; c. committed massive voter fraud in the election] this year. We are [a. awaiting his chance to use his Digital Media Production degree; b. selling him to the highest bidder; c. so done with him].

Hayley is [a. a real actual adult; b. a wiccan cult leader; c. frozen in time]. She still works at [a. Fred Meyer; b. NASA; c. Jeremy’s meth lab]. She recently had to [a. get her own health insurance; b. get a new parole officer; c. give up a promising career in murder for hire]. In the new year, she is hoping to [a. find a new job in the field of childcare; b. win a world record for subdermal piercings; c. award the Lombardi Trophy to the New York Jets].

2020 was truly [a. a challenge; b. a nightmare; c. You-Tube worthy] but in the end it should [a. work out for the best; b. blow up in our faces; c. lead to a lengthy prison sentence].

That’s all for this year! Be sure to [a. look us up if you’re in the neighborhood; b. smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em; c. drink your Ovaltine].

 

Merry Christmas to all!

The Coffey Family