2011

Dear family and friends,

What would this time of year be without the annual Coffey Holiday letter?  Why, it would be hell I tell you, sheer hell.  Or as Hayley puts it, a trip to Winco.

Jeremy turned 13 this year, and is in his eighth grade year in online school through WAVA (Washington Virtual Academy).  He has retained his Aspie obsessions on WWE and Star Wars, and has included a new obsession this year: South Park.  Hearing the wise and witty words of Eric Cartman coming from your own precious child’s mouth is so heart-warming, there are just no words.  Jeremy is now taller than both his mother and his sister, and will probably tower over his father by this time next year.  He has recently started wearing size 12 shoes (or in Paul’s words, “frickin’ huge).  While peeling the linoleum off the kitchen floor (for some reason), Jeremy found a platypus-moose hybrid living in sin with a foul-mouthed plaid rabbit.  And a good time was had by all.  Jeremy’s plans for the coming year include starting high school and being awesome (mission already accomplished on that second one).

Hayley is now 17 and a junior at Lewis and Clark high school.  Since last Christmas, she has learned to drive, with the instruction of B&B Driving School (and no lack of praying on the part of her parents).  She is still as gorgeous as ever, and has been threatened with horrible repercussions by her friends if she ever cuts or dyes her hair.  The high point of Hayley’s year was the MCR concert in Seattle.  She also attracted quite a bit of attention dressed as Poison Ivy for the Emerald City ComiCon in Seattle in March.  She is quickly becoming a much sought after screenwriter in Hollywood.  But all of her movie scripts are written for Chris Colfer.  Hayley’s plans for the coming year include growing a floor-length rainbow beard and becoming Headmaster at Hogwarts. (Hayley has nothing to add here due to her terrible phobia of parentheses).

Mollie has now been working at the library for 25 years.  Which comes as quite a shock, considering she is only 27 years old (in her mind, anyway).  She is coping quite nicely with the reality of having two teenagers, with the help of strong pharmaceuticals.  Mollie finally achieved her life-long dream of having a newly painted bathroom, with the much-appreciated help of her father-in-law.  Not that exciting, I know, but after the autumn the family experienced, not-exciting is more than welcome.  Mollie’s plans for the coming year include destroying the Kardashians and running for president (have you SEEN who is already running?  Should be a cakewalk).

As those of you with facebook are well aware, this October Paul was the lucky recipient of a most-expenses-paid luxury 3 week vacation at the swanky resort called Sacred Heart Medical Center, on the tropical paradise called Lower South Hill.  As part of this fabulous prize, he was given a new ascending aorta, and seven, yes seven, bypasses for blocked cardiac blood vessels.  He topped off the fun with blood clots in his legs, lungs, and arm, and the following side trips:  Factor 5 blood clotting disorder, allergy to heparin, partially collapsed lung, messed up cardiac electrical rhythm (luckily only for one night), pulled shoulder muscle, and mild case of pneumonia.  As a memento of this once-in-a-lifetime (we hope) adventure, he has 12 new scars on his body.  And a strong dislike for Citrus Chicken.  He now has a cardiologist and hematologist on speed dial.  Because of his extended time-consuming trip, he was unable to properly train his minions this year.  Paul’s plans for the coming year include avoiding vampires and bankrupting our health insurance company (he already has a head start on the second one).

Here’s hoping all of you have a brilliant holiday, and a non-exciting (healthy) New Year.

Love, Paul, Mollie, Hayley and Jeremy