Dear family and friends,
What would this time of year be without the annual Coffey
Holiday letter? Why, it would be hell I
tell you, sheer hell. Or as Hayley puts
it, a trip to Winco.
Jeremy turned 13 this year, and is in his eighth grade year
in online school through WAVA (Washington Virtual Academy). He has retained his Aspie obsessions on WWE
and Star Wars, and has included a new obsession this year: South Park. Hearing the wise and witty words of Eric
Cartman coming from your own precious child’s mouth is so heart-warming, there
are just no words. Jeremy is now taller
than both his mother and his sister, and will probably tower over his father by
this time next year. He has recently
started wearing size 12 shoes (or in Paul’s words, “frickin’ huge). While peeling the linoleum off the kitchen
floor (for some reason), Jeremy found a platypus-moose hybrid living in sin
with a foul-mouthed plaid rabbit. And a
good time was had by all. Jeremy’s plans
for the coming year include starting high school and being awesome (mission
already accomplished on that second one).
Hayley is now 17 and a junior at Lewis and Clark high
school. Since last Christmas, she has
learned to drive, with the instruction of B&B Driving School (and no lack
of praying on the part of her parents).
She is still as gorgeous as ever, and has been threatened with horrible
repercussions by her friends if she ever cuts or dyes her hair. The high point of Hayley’s year was the MCR
concert in Seattle. She also attracted
quite a bit of attention dressed as Poison Ivy for the Emerald City ComiCon in
Seattle in March. She is quickly
becoming a much sought after screenwriter in Hollywood. But all of her movie scripts are written for
Chris Colfer. Hayley’s plans for the
coming year include growing a floor-length rainbow beard and becoming
Headmaster at Hogwarts. (Hayley has nothing to add here due to her terrible
phobia of parentheses).
Mollie has now been working at the library for 25
years. Which comes as quite a shock,
considering she is only 27 years old (in her mind, anyway). She is coping quite nicely with the reality
of having two teenagers, with the help of strong pharmaceuticals. Mollie finally achieved her life-long dream
of having a newly painted bathroom, with the much-appreciated help of her
father-in-law. Not that exciting, I
know, but after the autumn the family experienced, not-exciting is more than
welcome. Mollie’s plans for the coming
year include destroying the Kardashians and running for president (have you
SEEN who is already running? Should be a
cakewalk).
As those of you with facebook are well aware, this October
Paul was the lucky recipient of a most-expenses-paid luxury 3 week vacation at
the swanky resort called Sacred Heart Medical Center, on the tropical paradise
called Lower South Hill. As part of this
fabulous prize, he was given a new ascending aorta, and seven, yes seven,
bypasses for blocked cardiac blood vessels.
He topped off the fun with blood clots in his legs, lungs, and arm, and
the following side trips: Factor 5 blood
clotting disorder, allergy to heparin, partially collapsed lung, messed up
cardiac electrical rhythm (luckily only for one night), pulled shoulder muscle,
and mild case of pneumonia. As a memento
of this once-in-a-lifetime (we hope) adventure, he has 12 new scars on his
body. And a strong dislike for Citrus
Chicken. He now has a cardiologist and
hematologist on speed dial. Because of
his extended time-consuming trip, he was unable to properly train his minions
this year. Paul’s plans for the coming
year include avoiding vampires and bankrupting our health insurance company (he
already has a head start on the second one).
Here’s hoping all of you have a brilliant holiday, and a
non-exciting (healthy) New Year.
Love, Paul, Mollie, Hayley and Jeremy
