Dear Friends, Family, and People That Don’t Fit In Either Category,
It’s here! It’s
here! The super spectacular, always entertaining, never serious
Coffey Family
Christmas letter! In order youngest to oldest:
Jeremy spent the year learning to cook and is contemplating taking some culinary classes. He challenged both Guy Fieri and Bobby Flay to cooking competitions, but they both
Jeremy spent the year learning to cook and is contemplating taking some culinary classes. He challenged both Guy Fieri and Bobby Flay to cooking competitions, but they both
wiped the floor with him. He then challenged them to a pizza eating contest.
They went home with heartburn, but no victory. Jeremy is planning to spend the
next year nonexistent, except for possibly running through forests as a Bigfoot sighting,
and petting the forest doggies there, with a sidehustle as a meme translator.
If you’re hiring, Jeremy needs a job.
Hartley graduated from Evergreen State College (necessitating four, yes four, trips to and from Olympia for the family), moved back to Spokane, and now lives in a secret tunnel that they made through a mountain. They will not disclose the mountain, as it is secret.
Hartley has issued a PSA for all of you: snow cold. They also started a pagan cult, but we think the name needs a little work (Exemplars of Uluburity), as it is difficult to say when drunk, and the cult gatherings involve a lot of wine. So far, Jeremy and their friend Sam are the only other members, but they are taking applications for admission.
If you’re hiring, Hartley needs a job.
Paul had a very unusual year. As of this writing, he has had zero trips to the
They went home with heartburn, but no victory. Jeremy is planning to spend the
next year nonexistent, except for possibly running through forests as a Bigfoot sighting,
and petting the forest doggies there, with a sidehustle as a meme translator.
If you’re hiring, Jeremy needs a job.
Hartley graduated from Evergreen State College (necessitating four, yes four, trips to and from Olympia for the family), moved back to Spokane, and now lives in a secret tunnel that they made through a mountain. They will not disclose the mountain, as it is secret.
Hartley has issued a PSA for all of you: snow cold. They also started a pagan cult, but we think the name needs a little work (Exemplars of Uluburity), as it is difficult to say when drunk, and the cult gatherings involve a lot of wine. So far, Jeremy and their friend Sam are the only other members, but they are taking applications for admission.
If you’re hiring, Hartley needs a job.
Paul had a very unusual year. As of this writing, he has had zero trips to the
emergency room
in 2022. We are not sure if that is a miracle, or if he had enough parts
replaced so that he is now more cyborg than human. Paul and Mollie celebrated
their
30th anniversary this year by visiting The Singing Towers of
Darillium. Since one
night on Darillium is equal to 24 Earth years, they are
now eligible for Social Security.
Paul insists he be called by his new name,
Doctor Mysterio, but Mollie
does not agree to be called the nickname he gave
her, Nardole.
If you’re hiring,
too bad, Paul has a good job.
Mollie spent the first half of 2022 researching genealogy and planning a Wolfe family reunion (which was a great success until the actual wolves showed up…oh, the carnage…), and the second half researching how to hide bodies (for a book – that’s
Mollie spent the first half of 2022 researching genealogy and planning a Wolfe family reunion (which was a great success until the actual wolves showed up…oh, the carnage…), and the second half researching how to hide bodies (for a book – that’s
my
story and I’m sticking to it), so that Master’s degree is really paying off.
Mollie is still a diehard Seahawks fan, so as you can imagine, it has been an
interesting year for her. She’s been called up to play on their defensive
line.
She can’t be any
worse at stopping the run.
If you’re hiring,
sucks to be you, Mollie loves her job.
Remember,
"Tis the season to drink straight from the bottle."
Happy Holidays from the Coffeys!
Remember,
"Tis the season to drink straight from the bottle."
Happy Holidays from the Coffeys!
