You waited all year for it, and
here it is! The Coffey family semi-true Christmas letter!
What a spectacular year! It's hard to
believe it was only last January when we founded that Burmese equestrian school
for the disabled. Paul and Mollie celebrated their 25th anniversary
this year spending a weekend at the casino.
They won a whole $2.00, but blew it on cheeseburgers on the ride
home. 25 years of sleeping with the same
person -- wow! Probably better than spending a year sleeping with 25 different people.
Probably.
Paul bypassed cardiac issues this
year, so his kidneys decided to take him to the hospital with stones twice in
one week. Kidneys are terrible drivers, though. After towing the car out of the emergency
room, the hospital said it shouldn’t be too difficult to replace the wall. He
unfortunately lost funding for his research project on determining the five
best kinds of monkeys. In October, movie studios went into a bidding frenzy for
the rights to his best-selling, coming-of-age/mystery/fantasy/thriller tome, “Meh.”
Jeremy turned down offers from
several Ivy League schools (who needs homework?) to remain with his people, the
Sasquatch, at SFCC. He has made it his
goal to eat all the food in the world, so we hope you enjoy a vegan diet
(because let’s be serious here, you know the boy isn’t eating vegetables). He
also hiked the entire length of the Pacific Crest Trail in his size 15 Birkenstocks
while carrying three Haitian orphans on his back.
Speaking of homework, Mollie, Queen
of Interlibrary Loans, has been drowning in it while working on her master’s
degree. It even has interfered with time
spent at her dream job, bathing Chris Hemsworth and then putting feathers on
him so that he can fly across the field at Seahawk home games. She still hasn’t
had her identity stolen, but she tried to auction it off on eBay. A very nice
gentleman from Nigeria contacted her and has started up a correspondence. He
promises to totally change her financial profile.
Hayley started the year by
designing an entire line of swimwear for cats. She then left school in June to
go to the South Pole to protect penguins from were-polar bears. She considers her mission a success because
there are no longer any polar bears at the South Pole, were or otherwise. After
that she moved home, where we haven’t had the heart to tell her polar bears
only live at the North Pole.
Wishing you many joyful holiday spirits! Tis the season to
stress out!
