Well, the world didn’t end on the 21st as promised, so I guess it’s time to present the annual, totally non-sarcastic, Coffey family Christmas letter.
This year, Paul traveled to North Korea to be the body-double of Kim Jong-Un. However, he mistakenly ended up in South Korea. A rabid wombat climbed up his pant leg, and while trying to dislodge it, Paul inadvertently created Gangnam Style. Luckily, his cardiologist has given him rave reviews on his heart functioning, so he is able to Gangnam style with gusto!
As for Mollie, well, another year gone, and a new set of ailments to add to the list of “things that go downhill after you hit 40+”. As if previous years of shingles and skin cancer weren’t enough, now we can add psoriasis to the menu. Next year we are expecting a good case of leprosy to round things out. Mollie also won a Pulitzer for last year’s Christmas letter, and is in the process of turning it into a screenplay. Expect to hear something next year about winning an Oscar!
Hayley is a senior in high school, and she turned 18 just in time to vote in this year’s big election. She has also decided to be British. While practicing her accent, a madman in a blue box appeared out of nowhere and whisked her away for a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey adventure. We don’t know when she is, but The Doctor has promised to bring her back to 2012 in time for Christmas!
Jeremy is now 14 and started his freshman year of high school this September. So far, so good. His size 13 feet are ideal for navigating the hallowed halls of Lewis and Clark High School. In an incredible scientific breakthrough, Jeremy successfully combining pig DNA with finely aged cheddar, creating the world’s first living bacon cheeseball. Bring on the crackers! And not those saltines, either, this calls for a Ritz!
Now that I’ve dazzled you with this year’s highlights, I want to wish all of you a happy, happy ____________________ (insert your holiday here). And a very wonderful new year, since it seems we are getting one after all.
The Coffeys
Paul, Mollie, Hayley and Jeremy
