Dear Family and Friends,
Can it really be time again for the infamous Coffey Family Christmas Letter?
Paul
decided he wasn’t doing quite enough volunteer work at the kids’
school, so in addition to becoming the Middle School library
coordinator, class auction project coordinator, lunch monitor, field
trip chaperon, in-class helper & retreat helper he is now teaching
all classes in all grades for free. While it’s running him a bit
haggard, it certainly has given the teachers the time they have been
looking for to complete various projects. Paul is seriously considering
coaching all sports, doing maintenance, driving the school bus and
cooking & serving school lunches by the end of the school year. And
we’re seriously considering having him institutionalized.
Mollie
has decided that the key to a happy life is to have a happy, positive
outlook. She has removed all bitterness, sarcasm, spite and anger from
her life. Of course, to do this she also removed her job, all clothing
but a Mardi Gras mask & a feather boa and any other human contact
from her life as well. We’re considering having her institutionalized
as well; if we can ever get her to come out of the dark closet she’s
sealed herself in.
Despite a vicious bidding war, which included
offers of personal aircraft and heavy weapons, Jeremy decided to not
attend an Ivy League school this year. He felt his talents at chaos,
destruction and madness would be much more fully utilized in a Catholic
school. So he started kindergarten at All Saints this year.
Surprisingly, even though his teacher had Hayley for kindergarten she
didn’t run screaming to catch the first flight out of the country when
she learned Jeremy would be in her class. She has since begun to
suspect that staying was a mistake. There is currently a debate as to
whether she, Jeremy or both should be institutionalized.
Hayley
spends what time she is herself in her third grade class at All Saints.
However, we believe something went wrong with her attempts last year
to become an animal. Often she will go from being a sweet, good-humored
little girl to something else - horns sprout from her head, wing come
out of her back, flames shoot from her fanged mouth and her barbed tail
is a terror to behold. If the exorcism doesn’t work she may need to be
institutionalized.
Don’t be surprised if next year’s letter comes on State Hospital stationary.
May you all have Happy Holidays and a wondrous New Year.
The Coffeys -- Paul, Mollie, Hayley and Jeremy
